for those of you who read this and know me... i love to over-commit myself. it is a disease. i cannot say no. seriously. i continue to add more and more stuff to my already over-flowing plate... I figure I can just pile more and more on top of what I already have... and as long as it doesn't all collapse on me on i can handle it. something i am learning in life is I need to be able to say no sometimes. Rick always said in high school.... find ONE ministry and do that ONE ministry well. instead I have bought into the american dilemma of mediocrity... of busy-ness. instead of ONE ministry... for some reason only of (pride) maybe... i feel the need to take on more than i can handle... the need to take on a billion things and just do an ok job at all those...
this is one of the greatest struggles in my life right now.
I have been... well... for lack of better terms... burned out the last few weeks. i continued to deny it... continued to deny why... i didn't want to come to grips that i have a problem... a disease... i'm infected with Americanism... (i say this not bashing on my country to which i live... no... just as a term to describe our society... the way in which we live.)
at church on sunday the pastor said this phrase that hit me deep and I can't get it out of my head.
he was talking about different aspects of worship and what our worship... what our lives look like... what our worship looks like outside of sunday mornings... he went through different aspects and then said this which struck me deep.
"you know... there are storms in this world... and maybe just maybe for some of you... the storms of this world have just been beating you... the rain and wind have just beat the compassion right out of you... you are so busy that your commitments have just beat the compassion and the kindness right out of you."
nothing super profound... but man... that is what i feel.
my commitments... my decisions have just beat the living crap out of me lately. so... here i sit. burned out at the moment.
at the same time though... i am real excited about this. i can't wait to see how God moves in my heart for the future.... I usually hate church billboards and laugh hysterically at them... however i saw one yesterday on my way home church that read... "its easy to be at the helm in calm seas"
thats just it... i am at the helm way to much... and these storms i can see are here to beat the crap out of me and realize i can't drive my own boat.
i hope this makes sense.
love you.
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4 comments:
Dear Abe,
When I was in college, I did the exact same thing--way too busy all the time. I'm glad you're seeing it already. Cut back!
I love your story of the girl in Chem with the new haircut and piercings. Humbling is right!
Jeremy really loved your visit.
I hope Thanksgiving will be restful for you.
Carol
You know I feel like this alot too...I thought it would change when I graduated from college, but it didn't. I think for me it's a personality trait :(
I guess I just like being busy. Rest assured you will get through the busy times- just hunker down (LOL) and you'll get your rest later. What I learned from those times was that booking too many things was a mistake only when it's no longer fun and I wasn't getting anything out of it. It was a mistake when i'd have to miss out on other great things because I took too much on to begin with.
Allow yourself enough room to breath, learn, enjoy and take advantage of all that college has to offer- beyond that being busy is part of life, at least for me.
This does make sense, a lot of sense actually. My brother struggled with this and he always said if the devil can't make ya bad he'll make ya busy. Just be careful and don't forget what's important, but you know all that. Love you lots and miss you!
A-MEN...My friend...It finally hit you acros the face...You seem to know what is going on and I commend you for taking responsibility of it...Praying for ya all the time bro...
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