i'd rather suffocate.

Am I selfish as hell? Who knows? It comes down to the fact that for some strange reason… I needed space. I needed a break. I need to live my own life. Not sure what that means. I was lacking peace. The opposite of peace is disruption, noise, panic… No not those. Everything in me wanted to keep what I had… but there is this ever-small voice in opposition. Give up what you have for something greater… in the future. Selfish desires. Controlling and holding on. To what? Control. Not allowing myself to give fully of myself because of… fear? What can set me free? Maybe, hopefully, the absence of what is oh so good can bring healing. Striving to be a man but still squandering and puddle jumping in childhood. A free-spirit desiring to break the chains of control on my own life… I can’t be kept in a cage! Why do I attempt to run from control, captivity, but actually practice it? Cages keep things in. Have you ever put yourself in one... and claimed that you were put in there… against your will? Yeah. Me too. I hate my cages. My vices. I’m thinking this is how I (we) are fading.

In the quiet of the shadow

In the corner of a room

Darkness moves upon you

Like a cloud across the moon
You're a-wearing all the silence

Of a constant that will turn

Like the windmill left deserted

Or the sun forever burn
So don't forget to breathe

Don't forget to breathe

Your whole life is here

No eleventh hour reprieve

So don't forget to breathe
Keep your head above water

But don't forget to breathe
And all the suffering that you've witnessed

And the hand prints on the wall

They remind you how it's endless

How endlessly you fall
And the answer that you're seeking

For the question that you found

Drives you further to confusion

As you lose your sense of ground
So don't forget to breathe

Don't forget to breathe
Your whole life is here

No eleventh hour reprieve

So don't forget to breathe
Keep your head above water

But don't forget to breathe
Breathe....
Don't forget to breathe

Don't forget to breathe

You know you are here

But you find you want to leave

So don't forget to... breathe
Just breathe

Just breathe

Just breathe...

Just breathe...

Just breathe...
_alexi murdoch



the top probably doesn't make sense. didn't plan on it to. just flowed out in desperation.
goodnight.