It is exactly one month from now that I will be out in the CO training for the summer. I am so excited to get out there!
It is just going to be an amazing experience... I have no doubt about that.
I am waiting in great anticipation for the relationships I will build, for the lessons I will learn, and for the experiences I will never forget.
I am getting a little tired of this place. This routine.
Yes. I am enjoying life. It has been good. There have been frustrating moments lately... but those are being worked through.
I feel like I just need a change of pace. A new environment.
I was talking with a friend yesterday as I was up way too late "studying" for a test I had this morning... and we started talking about all the crap in each of our lives... and how we... as people... as a society... as student's at a Christian university feel it extremely necessary to guard our lives... our history... our struggles from the people that surround them.
We can't be real. We can't be vulnerable.
I am too afraid my vulnerability will only bring hurt... not support. Condemnation rather than acceptance. Gossip rather than Truth.
And its interesting... I've found the times when I am most the real... the most transparent... are usually the times when I receive the most criticism. Everything is cool as long as I use cute vague wording, neat prose, and don't swear.
Dull it down they scream. Your words are too sharp, too jagged, too real... they might cut something.
Its interesting to think about. I'm a fake. You're a fake. Please don't waste your breath or my time trying to tell me you're not.
Why do I [we] feel the necessity to hide?
Like Adam and Eve behind their fig leaves, we are embarrassed.
Of what? People?
Isn't that funny how that works.
"And I had it down
At least on the outside
I'd put my best side forward
I could smile with the best
And dress like the rest of the messed up church folk singing a song."
blessings_
abe dubs da bling.
1 comments:
"Dull it down they scream. Your words are too sharp, too jagged, too real... they might cut something."
Our favorite verse: "For the Word of God is living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."
Some of the hardest words ever spoken came from the mouth of God. Words of true emotion, words of condemnation, words of repentance. Reality rips open the husk of fakeness that surrounds us. Being real exposes our heart to the dangerous world, but it is there that we are most used. This may be shocking, but I love it when you swear. I love it when I can feel your emotion, because it echoes in me as well. Keep it up.
Reality is a dagger, just be careful what you're cutting into.
Love ya.
Jrod
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