catholicism.

Lamott had a Catholic friend growing up. She spent a lot of time at her house with her family. Her friends Dad would always come home drunk and beat her mother.... they would both go to sleep crying... but wake up in the morning with the smell of bacon and eggs cooking downstairs and her friends mom and dad sitting together on the couch reading... then they would go to church... Everything was perfect Sunday morning. Bizarre to me... but this is all Lamott knew about the Catholic Church... She just assumed that is how all "Catholic Dad's" acted... She loved Catholic Church... she loved everything about it... she didn't know much but church made her feel good.

Reflecting later on her view of God... She explains her perceptions:

"Looking back on the God my friend believed in, he seems a little erratic, not entirely unlike her father-- God as borderline personality. It was like believing in the guy who ran the dime store, someone with a kind face but who was always running behin and had already heard everyone of your lame excuses a dozen times before... This God could be loving and reassuring one minute, sure that you had potential, and then fiercely disappointed the next, noticing every little mistake and just in general what a fraud you really were. He was a God whom his children could talk to, confide in, and trust, unless his mood shifted suddenly and he decided instead to blow up Sodom and Gomorrah."

"No one in our family believed in God-- it was like we'd all signed some sort of loyalty oath early on, agreeing not to believe in God in deference to the pain of my father's cold Christian childhood. I went to church with my grandparents sometimes and I loved it. It slaked my thirst. But I pretended to think it was foolish, because that pleased my father. I lived for him. He was my first God."

The last sentence has rocked my world lately. It brings me to question who my first God was... who and what my god's are... the things that I trade daily for an incredible love and unconditional relationship.

It really is an incredible journey... and quite the testament to a saving grace. It's been a good read so far.
Thoughts?

Peace and blessings.
Abe